Our cities are so full of people - it may seem strange to think that anyone can be lonely. But the fact is that one can be lonely in a crowd, and in fact it can be harder to establish relationships in a crowded city that in a quiet small town.
Loneliness is a painful awareness of not having the relationships you need. Some people are lonely because they have moved to a new city and do not have a network of friends. Others may have many contacts but lack closer relationships.
Loneliness is seen across all age groups. Single people are more likely to be lonely than married people, but marriage is no guarantee of avoiding loneliness. The unhappily married person or the housebound wife may be very lonely. Both men and women feel lonely (but women are more likely to admit).
A lonely person is likely to have negative feelings - he or she may feel depressed, bored, sorry for self, sad and may even think he is unattractive and that no one will like him. Some lonely people become problem drinkers. Perhaps most serious of all, loneliness threatens life itself. One of the most clearly identified characteristics of potential suicide victims is their sense of loneliness.
What causes loneliness?
In large cities, people tend to protect themselves from over stimulation by limiting their involvement with those they do not know.This makes it more difficult for a new person to make friends. At the same time, more people are moving away from the place where they grew up and need to make new friends.
Young adults and adolescents, in particular, feel ashamed to be seen alone. Avoiding this embarrassment contributes to their loneliness by keeping them away from places where they might meet people.
So what can you do about loneliness?
Only someone who has experienced loneliness can know how painful it is. Often a lonely person will just stay alone, think gloomy thoughts and fell depressed. While this is a natural thing to do, it doesn't help one get out of the loneliness.
Some people try to escape from loneliness by sleeping for longer hours, overeating, drinking alone, watching TV or spending all their free time on the internet! None of these make any change in the situation.
More constructive ways of coping include ways of reaching out to others. Some ideas are given below.
What to Do:
- Accept invitations when they are offered. Sometimes you wonder if someone is only inviting you over because they have to or because they are sorry for you. Go anyway. You could meet someone new.
- Phone someone, visit them or invite them over - or plan to meet somewhere. A casual acquaintance could turn into a friend.
- Be responsive in conversation. Show people that you are interested in what they say by smiling and nodding.
- Ask questions to keep the conversation flowing - and really listen to the answers. This will help others to find it rewarding to talk to you.
- Be open to the interests of other people.
- Draw attention to interests you have in common.
- Do not stay away from people to hide your loneliness.
- Do not make negative remarks about yourself.
- Try not to think critical thoughts about people you meet.
- Do not think you have to be exceptionally clever or attractive to be liked
